At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize