Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
