he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize