Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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