Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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