Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
