So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
