remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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