I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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