He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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