dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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