I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
