guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This baby is an asshole
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
