Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize