I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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