Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
