no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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