sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
