I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
whose parrot is this?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
