I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize