I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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