Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
