her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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