Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
