Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
