he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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