thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
