"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
