I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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