So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just puked most of my soul out..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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