FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i out mim tonsoeep
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
