I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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