do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
