you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
