How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
