My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
