did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
