made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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