dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
