Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
