hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
