i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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