oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
