this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize