woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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