I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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