WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My penis needs a shock collar
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
