Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
