so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
