I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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