Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
