i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
