your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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