So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
