ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
