Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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