the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize