Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I faked an abortion last night.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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