he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
