??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize