i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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