Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
