Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
