I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
