is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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