I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
