I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
