I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
