Swine flu. Run for my life!
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
