I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
