I hate all girls vehemently.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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