How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize