I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So much rum. So many feels.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
