i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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