I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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