Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
