Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
