It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
