According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
ttyl tear gas
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
