Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize