but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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