dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
