John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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