Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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