I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
