I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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