ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
