My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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