420 ftw
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Randomize
