last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
