I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
