everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
