sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
