I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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