just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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