how can u be prego again
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
