You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
